“Resolve relationship issues instead of withdrawing from people over differences.”
Not too long ago, we had a culture of joint families, with members across three to four generations living together. There were differences in our nature, but we adapted. Today, we prefer to withdraw from people.
- Everyone carries different personalities. Our definitions of right and wrong are based on our nature and personality. In the same situation, you will respond differently from others. They are “Different” from you, not wrong.
- Meditate daily and study spiritual knowledge to increase your power to accept, adjust, adapt, accommodate and tolerate. Thereafter, living and working with different personalities becomes easy. You will not waste time and energy in questioning others’ behaviours.
- When you do not label people as ‘Wrong’, you accept them. Acceptance means your mind is silent. It does not necessarily mean you agree with them. Even if you disagree with someone, state your opinion politely and assertively.
- If you are judgemental about people,very soon they will judge you and label you as wrong. Now both of you will reject each other, and this leads to disrespect. But when there is acceptance, difference of opinions do not lead to conflict or separations.
Be with People – The Story
The discussion in the room was about joint families. The father said that he was the product of a joint family and he was a happy and hard working man because of it. He said that there was a nice hierarchy at home. The grandparents had their roles. The father and uncles went out to work and provide. The women taught, sewed or cooked at home, thereby nourishing the family and the children studied to become good citizens of the future.
The son immediately had a retort to his father’s claim. He said that the joint family system may have been good for the agriculturists or small businessmen. But it didn’t work for the people who had to work for organizations. They had to move where the organization was. And some moved because they didn’t really see eye to eye with the father figures at home.
The father flared up. He asked if the last thought was something that was true in the father’s case. The son said that he hadn’t meant it figuratively. But there might have been disagreements.
And then there was an argument.
If one watches this conversation with an unbiased view, one is presented with cases at two levels.
First is the non-adaptive persona presented by the joint family generation and not being open to disagreements.
Second is the non-adaptive persona presented by the son’s generation that’s unable to see the goodness that the earlier system presented.
Definitions of right or wrong are based on our nature and personality and so no one is really wrong.
It’s different for everyone. Structural appearances aside, disagreements are usually a point of view. Nothing written on stone. So, there is nothing that is irreconcilable.
Nothing that cannot be resolved. Or adapted to. Sometimes it’s just a flow of time that makes people differ with each other.
Get internally stronger to increase the power to adjust, adapt, accommodate and tolerate.
Meditation and spiritual studies bring about a fundamental change in your being. Seek that. You can then live and work with multiple personalities and nothing will affect you. You will not question people and not give excuses to people too.
Remove the “wrong” label from your lexicon for other people or even yourself.
People say or do things in circumstances or situations. You may disagree. State your opinion politely and assertively. Move on. Don’t be judgemental about people. Then they too will be and that will lead to arguments and unnecessary relationship issues. Accept difference of opinion. Remind yourself that you are a strong individual and you can take the difference of opinion in your stride and move forward soon. Thereby you can show the same path to others and be a leader.
The father and son understood that there are fundamental differences of opinion about life and times between but that would not stop them from having a nice relationship.
They still live under the same roof!
Let us revise our affirmations – Be With People
I am powerful being.
I have the power to adjust.
I have the power to adapt.
I understand people.
I understand their habits and nature.
They are different from me. They are right from their perspective.
I may not agree with them, but I know they have a reason.
I share my perspective.
We live together. We work together, accepting our differences.
To adjust and to adapt is natural for me.